..mendung kelabu...

april...things do not really work as what i planned for 2011..

so, many things freaked me out..

one of them..aku mendapat arahan pertukaran sekolah kerana sebuah percaturan konspirasi..

sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mendengar..

aku berharap DIA mendengar rintihan aku..

kuatkan semangatku ya Allah..ALLAHUAKBAR!!

+_+ aku dah penat~

kadang-kadang aku terfikir;

knape manusia selalu tak puas hati sesama manusia??

kenapa tak boleh tengok orang lain senang??

kenapa nak kene hasad dengki dan busuk hati meracun fikiran orang lain supaya benci??

kenapa nak kene sibuk jaga tepi kain orang??

hari yang aku lalui sekarang penuh dengan duka dan luka.

tak ada satu hari pun yang menyenangkan.. hati ini macam dah tak boleh berada di situ tapi tiada pilihan melainkan aku terpaksa terus meneruskan khidmat mendidik di sana. kadang-kadang aku rasa macam nk give up, just buat kerja ala kadar je..tapi itu bukan aku. aku tak boleh buat macam tu sebab aku kesiankan budak2.

setiap hari memandu pulang dari kerja dengan satu stigma yang memang dh lekat kat kepala aku skrg, "kerja macam nak mati pun, bukan dapat ape? kene umpat keji adalah".

Ya Allah, engkau permudahkanlah proses perpindahan hambaMU ini ke sekolah lain dengan segera. Amin~~

..ALONE..

"language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone.."

(Paul Tillich)

i am 26 years old this year, yet i'm still alone sitting at the dining table and at sofa watching television.

"people are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges"

(Joseph F.Newton)

i did not building any walls instead i am counting every second of the clock tickings to get rid of being alone.

actually, it has been awhile that i felt something is missing or not complete in me. it's like i lost a piece of jigsaw puzzle and i badly need it to make the puzzle perfect. hope that Allah will get me through this..ameen~~

time's up!!!

time waits for no man

plan your work and work your plan well

today is the second day of schooling yet i already suffocated. time is running very fast. rse mcm bru je punch card at 7.30 in the morning, then the next glanced at the watch it's already 4 o'clock.. oh my!!! tetibe je aku rse 24hours become 24minutes..waaa!!!!!! byk keje dh trtangguh ni..hadoiiiii!!!!!! suddenly, while writing this entry, aku teringat Badrul Aswadi's facebook wallpost, "jangan malas, bukan suruh jadi rajin tp jangan jadi malas." somehow, he was totally right, i have to be double triple JGN MALAS!!! for this year..no procrastination will be allowed( insyaAllah)if not, i'll be dead with the bunch and bundle of files, reports, and others!!! doaku di tahun baru, semoga tidak malas. ameen~~

"time's up!!!

it's already 4, go home and relax.."

2011

on 2nd of January 2011..i got my aims for this year. these are my most important long-term target for 2011;

my first wish is:

my mobile phone is not in good condition anymore (so sorry to inche b).. therefore, following the technology plus i'll have a little extra money soon i decided to buy this Apple iPhone 4..

iPhone4

Apple Earphones with Remote and Mic

Dock Connector to USB Cable

USB Power Adapter

Documentation

iPhone 4 Technical Specifications; http://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/apple-iphone-4/2/

my second wish for 2011 is:

I would like to have my own Canon EOS 500D. No concrete reason for this gadget yet i never own any of camera before. Thus, I choose to own this real cool camera for me. I did my reading on this gadget, its kind of cool compared to other few SLRs. It's in the middle of 450D and 550D. I'm a girl in the middle of my siblings so, I choose 500D. It's quite expensive tho. However, I'll try my best to get the chance to hold it with my both hands. It's part of my dreams and I'm going to achieve it for my satisfaction. May Allah gives me the chance, ameen~~

Canon EOS 500D Specifications; http://www.canon.com.my/compare/product/?cat=1&lang=EN&p1=999&p2=1045

black&white,greyscale,colored.

23rd dec 2010

Sad is an emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, helplessness, sorrow, and rage. When sad, people often become outspoken, less energetic, and emotional.

Sadness can be viewed as a temporary lowering of mood, whereas depression is characterized by a persistent and intense lowered mood, as well as disruption to one's ability to function in day to day matters.

on 23rd of december :

(the day that i will not forget in my life)

everything was just not right at all..

make me feel like it's pushing me down to the very low level..

how i wish i'm not the one..

yet, its give me the chance to realize;

it is just to hard and harsh for today..

praying that these clouds will blown away,

and the sun will shine brightly,

i'm hoping for a better tomorrow..

each cloud has its silver lining, and i just wanna believe it that way,

because i believe Allah with me and listening..

Red Rose

As clouds are blown away by the winds, I believe that disappointment is often the salt of life. And for now, i'm having a spoon of it. It is million miles from what i thought it would be. However, my belief wouldn't change. A quote says, "accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart..". I'm now doing all with all my heart though it might bite me in return yet I can't stop this music of heart. It's just know how to sooth or rub some salt on the wound. in a nutshell, that's life of a normal human being who has some feelings to share.

Disappointment, by starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped. By repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou. If it is encouraged, they perfume life, if it is discouraged, they poison it. To live well or to live hell, we have the ultimate power to choose it. Thus, I choose them to perfume my life;

"Red Rose"

Red is the color of which I will bear.

Like the color of a rose it tells that I am true.

For me to state anything else is quite false.

My love for you runs more deep and more true than the glorious

color of a red rose.

It runs more deep than the bluest ocean or the widest sea.

My love for you will always be there, even though I may not be.

If you are to forgive me then the love that I have for you will

pour over you and fill your veins until the blood that now flows in them

will now be my love.

It is so strong that the moment that I stand up it knocks me

down.

I've never met anyone quite like you.

You are the only thing that keeps me living.

You are the only thing that is running through my body.

My body, mind and soul are taken over by your power.

Your love is the thing that makes my heart beat,

Every second that you're not there it slows down 1 beat,

When I hear your voice again my heart beats faster hoping for

your return..

Wheeler, Candace

"it is better to know and be disappointed,

rather than to not know and always wonder.."

smile =D

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare,Othello

happy birthday Alif Zaqwan

i'm wishing Happy Birthday to my one and only nephew,

ALIF ZAQWAN MOHD AZIMIN

be a good child to your parents and family

luv u always, jacko~